You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Someone came in the potted fern
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
