So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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