If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
