We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
