So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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