dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
