Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Shame - the story of my life.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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