Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
