I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
