a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
