the new term for farting is butt boxing.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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