Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
