I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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