WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
