I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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