i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
