Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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