I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
