i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
