boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Let's get the cat blown out
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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