If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
