That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
