I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Fuck me I smell like cheese
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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