Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
