I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.