Texts From Last Night

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  (905): View more from Toronto

  So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises

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  (905): So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises http://tfl.nu/ed2j
  Replies (15) Good night (1688) Bad night (859)
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  (585): View more from New York

  It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.

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  (585): It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight. http://tfl.nu/zyt9
  Replies (10) Good night (3499) Bad night (958)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson

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  (973): How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson http://tfl.nu/43b3
  Replies (24) Good night (956) Bad night (3067)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.

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  (850): I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night. http://tfl.nu/vbgm
  Replies (10) Good night (4868) Bad night (1454)
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  (760): View more from California

  i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have

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  (760): i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have http://tfl.nu/ddny
  Replies (22) Good night (1083) Bad night (5378)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.

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  (908): Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him. http://tfl.nu/w434
  Replies (4) Good night (1124) Bad night (2336)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.

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  (719): On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour. http://tfl.nu/o2dj
  Replies (6) Good night (3308) Bad night (779)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.

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  (647): Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday. http://tfl.nu/6zuu
  Replies (3) Good night (2142) Bad night (771)
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  (619): View more from California

  Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..

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  (619): Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him.. http://tfl.nu/bqg4
  Replies (13) Good night (3049) Bad night (896)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests

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  (857): Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests http://tfl.nu/5mbt
  Replies (9) Good night (1701) Bad night (535)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!

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  (859): I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS! http://tfl.nu/rgig
  Replies (2) Good night (931) Bad night (361)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"

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  (248): Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son" http://tfl.nu/st3e
  Replies (1) Good night (557) Bad night (345)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?

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  (+44): The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like? http://tfl.nu/ady4
  Replies (2) Good night (225) Bad night (556)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter

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  (519): this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter http://tfl.nu/w0m6
  Replies (2) Good night (278) Bad night (197)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep

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  (773): Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep http://tfl.nu/6ubn
  Replies (0) Good night (449) Bad night (173)

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