Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late... http://tfl.nu/m8kg
  Replies (2) Good night (1797) Bad night (680)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light. (1-206): Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had. http://tfl.nu/n63r
  Replies (8) Good night (1323) Bad night (1976)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs. http://tfl.nu/2lff
  Replies (62) Good night (6503) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen. http://tfl.nu/ldf9
  Replies (20) Good night (1297) Bad night (7534)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house. http://tfl.nu/rb9c
  Replies (3) Good night (2465) Bad night (858)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that. http://tfl.nu/pxw6
  Replies (7) Good night (1018) Bad night (3893)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo. http://tfl.nu/9q3e
  Replies (6) Good night (1881) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/xqx5
  Replies (12) Good night (1881) Bad night (699)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms http://tfl.nu/wx24
  Replies (10) Good night (1335) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted http://tfl.nu/dgp6
  Replies (7) Good night (945) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts? http://tfl.nu/drjd
  Replies (6) Good night (1170) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it

  (773): View more from Illinois

  It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it (773): It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact http://tfl.nu/3h4p
  Replies (2) Good night (552) Bad night (980)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  ROADTRIP.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak. (1-405): ROADTRIP. http://tfl.nu/2zv7
  Replies (20) Good night (1684) Bad night (521)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs. http://tfl.nu/bd7x
  Replies (3) Good night (1481) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed. http://tfl.nu/fusc
  Replies (3) Good night (437) Bad night (281)

Randomize