did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
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If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son