I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just found puke in my bra..
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.