I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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