my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
