took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
one might say we're banned from that church
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
