So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
