how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Your penis caused this!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
