How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
