ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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