i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
