The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
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Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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