Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
