I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
