I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
