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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
