I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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