Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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