Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
