Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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