I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
