Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
