literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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