i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
