If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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