Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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