Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
