my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
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