lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
