theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We are two peas in an std pod
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
