Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
