We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
