Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
