We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
