didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
