what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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