Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week đ
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He sang the chorus to âInside of youâ by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldnât even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
