I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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