Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
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Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
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Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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