What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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