Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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