I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
