I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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