i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
