If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
