cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
