I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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