come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
