White coat. Heels.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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